Friday, May 24, 2013

Anti-analysis - A story which slowly erodes into a rant (cough Xbox One)

Here is a story:

"I love Game of Thrones. Not to be a hipster, but I read the books before it was cool - and a TV series" Michael gloated. Louise just laughed.

"What would you say is better, the series or the books?" she asked?

"You know the reason the series is so good is because they follow the books so closely. But the books are better. So good. You know how usually chapters go one, two, three, and so on?" Louise nodded.

"Well instead each Chapter is a character. So for example (Michael lifted his two index fingers) "Jon Snow, Tyrion". So you could if you wanted just follow a single character's journey throughout a book if you wanted and skip the other characters. Some people actually do that after they have read the books through once or twice". Michael paused, then grinned. "I can see you think I have, but no I haven't. Tempted to through".

Louise smiled. "Ok fine, you've convinced me" she said.

"Woohoo!" Michael replied, grinning back. "Be right back". After a couple of minutes he returned holding a copy of the first of the series, Game of Thrones, and handed it to Louise.

"How did you discover it anyway?" she asked. 
"Oh, I was at a couple who are friends with my parents, and they have a huge sci-fi collection. At this point only 3 of the books has been released. I devoured the first book when I was there, then have been buying them ever since. Still waiting for the last book... can't can't wait". 

"Aha so even you don't know the end!" she smirked. "Wait... why won't this book open?"
"Oh... yeah... I forgot. This really sucks. Apparently now lending a book counts as piracy. You have to send a check to the publishers and they then grant you permission to read the book. Even then you have to give me back to me once you've read it or it'll lock down"
Louise stared at Michael.
"You're kidding, right?"

Warning, rant imminent. Code 54351. Level red. 

Good news guys, Microsoft have announced that in order to play a video game on the Xbox One which a friend has lent you, a fee is required. Indeed to play a second-hand game will apparently cost £35, almost at retail price. Let us not even consider why people buy second-hand games - actually wait, perhaps it is because they are kids with pocket money, or are adults struggling on the minimum wage. Of course it is fine to show a middle finger to concepts such as ownership. Why would I want to own my old copy of Theme Hospital? The publishers should choose what I do with it, is that not right Microsoft? No I cannot lend it to a friend! That would be piracy! Anyway, we can't complain, the Xbox One will show TV, and sports, and will play the new COD, which is apparently a big risk for the company because they called it Ghosts instead of 4. I whimper at their divine creative direction, and I shall achieve catharsis when the dog companion dies and I cry my heart out. "Xbox flick Sports" I shall say through my tears in an attempt to consolidate myself through point scoring. A message will appear:


(takes a breath)

There is so much I love about Microsoft, from having bought the first ever Xbox on night of release to eagerly following the development of the Surface and even Windows 8. Today however, I needed a rant. Apologies for typos, proof reading doesn't seem appropriate right now. And yes, the Xbox One does look like VHS player.